Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Today's Grievance

The Uberlord likes lists. He has a serious "thing" for lists. It must be the sexy columns of text in 10pt. Times New Roman that gets his juices flowing. Or maybe it's the grid-free layout or the heavily shaded title columns. The man has a hard-on for lists. And the lists are always changing.

I'm pretty sure any day soon he will request a list of all his lists so he doesn't get confused, at which point I will print out every list on my hard drive, compile them into one mondo-document in a giant 5" plastic binder and beat him over the head with it.

Then I might make him a list of all the local hospitals.

Seriously though, anyone using Times New Roman out of choice should have boiling oil poured on their Netherlands. It's not a sexy font. It's a default, ugly, plain fault. It's like that boring nougat centered chocolate that's always left last in the box. It's the last kid picked for the dodgeball team. I will allow Arial if you MUST, but please. Have some respect. Times New Roman is for losers. Verdana is perfectly acceptable for a plain, everyday fault - clean, sans-serif, pleasing on the eye. Century Gothic works and Tahoma is ok and Trebuchet is pretty for a plain font. If you must have a serif go with Georgia or something. Or get old school freaky with some Courier New just to mess with people's heads. Get a life people! Times New Roman is the Devil's font.

And by "Devil" I totally mean Uberlord.

You know what happens to people who use Times New Roman every day? They end up writing blog entries about fonts. Let this be a lesson.

No, there is no chart today. You are SO demanding!