When There IS No Point...

I made the colossal mistake of picking up my phone this morning without checking the caller ID and found myself engulfed by the entity that is the Most Boring Woman Who Ever Lived.

“Oh for shit’s sake!” I thought, vowing to get revenge on myself for this oversight, later.

“Hiii…” she said, in that slow, high pitched, really irritating manner she perfects. “I was just looking through some old expense reports…”

At this point, my mind took a scenic detour into fantasy land and I decided to go out this weekend and buy the necessary supplies to electrify my desk, so that when she calls me again and I fall into the inevitable coma which ensues, I will be jolted to attention (with the added bonus of seeing what my hair looks like vertical) and able to maybe pay attention to more than two seconds of what she is saying. It’s not that I want to listen to her crap, you understand, but it seems rude to actually snore when someone is talking.

“These expense reports are from [ex team, spawn of Beelzebub] and they have a job code that I don’t recognize. In fact, our billing system doesn’t recognize it either. They said ‘this job does not exist’ and I said ‘but it’s on these expense reports that The Guv’ner did and I used the same codes.’ And they said, ‘oh, those must be last quarter’s codes, so they won’t work now!’ and I said ‘ooooooooooooooooh.’ …because the codes changed. And I didn’t realize.”

I waited a few seconds before speaking because I was waiting for a punch line. Or a point. Or anything really that explained why she would bother calling to tell me this. But she said nothing.

I said, “Oh. OK then.”

“I just thought it was quite funny.” TMBWTEL replied. “Because you know, you used the old codes but when you used them they weren’t old, whereas…” It was at this point I removed the receiver from my ear, held it three feet from my head and looked at it like it was a glowing, neon turd.

Which, coincidentally, was also the exact moment my boss walked in with a thick wad of paper and said, “Can you just make me four….what are you doing?”

“Ihavetogonowbye.” I said to TMBWTEL and hung up.

“I love Xeroxing” I told my boss. "I would be happy to Xerox."