Can You Hear Me Now?

The Überlord comes into my office today and says, “Did you get me those urgent available dates from the London crew for the follow-up meeting next week?”

I looked at him the way a cat regards a bug, scurrying around on the floor before going in for the kill.

“Dates?” I asked him, cautiously. I hate when someone asks about something that immediately rings no bells, except for alarm bells signifying that I might have dropped the ball.

“London crew? Follow up Meeting? Que?”

He looked anxious. “The dates I asked about yesterday!” he said. “I sent an email to the crew for dates and said you’d follow up with them about it today? It’s urgent. I need to know today.”

Oh. I get it. I know exactly what he is talking about now. He is talking about my psychic abilities again.

“Did you happen to…you know…cc me on that email?” I inquired, knowing full well the answer.

He frowned. “I don’t think so…” he said. “I think I just sent it to the London team.”

I tried to think of words in response that weren’t illegal in some parts of the world.

“I can’t actually see those emails unless you send them to me…” I said, sporting a fixed smile that I like to call “My Donnie Darko”. “Therefore, I was unaware you wanted me to do anything. Therefore, I do not have the dates you are requesting.” This is pretty much verbatim of what I said.

What I was THINKING, however, was, “For the love of all that is good, Fucknuts, do I look like Miss Fucking Cleo to you? For the 300th time, I DO NOT READ MINDS.”

Later in the morning, he asked me about his travel plans for the week of the 24th, provoking the slightly alarmed response, “Travel plans? You’re going somewhere that week?” He then looked at his feet and admitted he was indeed going back to Europe but had neglected to mention it to me – the person who makes his travel arrangements.

Yup.