WTF Is Going On?

I think I might have chocolate poisoning hence the delusions of grandeur and strange vivid imagination.

Today The Guv’ner is a guest on the Jay Leno Show, isn't that exciting! Here’s the transcript:

Jay
Guv’ner, welcome to the show. Your giant head that eclipses the sun is beaming at me provocatively.
Guv’ner
Like you can talk about my head with that chin, Leno.
Jay
So..what do you think of L.A. so far?
Guv’ner
Well, I think it’s full of skinny wimmins and Crips, Jay.
Jay
Now, we all want to know all about the tremendously interesting world of admin don’t we audience? Let’s hear some of your stories about corporate decadence and whiny brat bosses who can’t find their own ass with a Lonely Planet Guide!
Guv’ner
Hmm.. Let me see. As I told you back in the Green Room, I have some zany shit…wait, can I say that on TV? Caca how about that? I have some zany caca occurring in my life regarding my job. Incidentally, talking of the Green Room, did I see Seth MacFarlane of 'Family Guy' lounging around back there before in a smoking leather jacket? Because if it helps, I would gladly entertain him on your couch for 20 minutes.
Jay
Uh…the work stories?
Guv’ner
Oh yeah. Whatever. I had this boss…
Jay
Hahahahaha!
Guv’ner
I haven’t started yet, Jay.
Jay
I’m sorry, please…
Guv’ner
I had this boss who was a giant horse’s ass…can I say “ass” on TV Jay?
Jay
Uh…I think you got away with it.
Guv’ner
He was a giant horse’s ass as I was saying…well actually more of a colossal dickwad, to be honest. He used to fart a lot. You know, loud and smelly broccoli farts that hung in the air like yellow fog. And he was made entirely of dandruff.
Jay
Hahahahaha!!!!
Guv’ner
No wait, that’s not the funny part. Try to contain yourself.
Jay
Dandruff? Dandruff is funny!
Guv’ner
If you say so, Jay. Anyway this boss was a whiner. Big time whining. He could whine for America. And most of Canada and probably Mexico too. Bosses suck that is the moral of the story.
Jay
I had a boss once who used to tie his shoes funny.
Guv’ner
Did you Jay? That’s nice. Now about Seth MacFarlane and his sexy voice… Not that your voice isn’t sexy, but it’s attached to that chin, so you know. Balance and all that.
Jay
Oh. Uh. Hahaha.
Guv’ner
I have a great story about my boss boffing a client at a charity fundraiser! I can name names and everything! Republicans are involved!
Jay
I think it might be time for commercials.


Oh what? Like Leno doesn’t interview YOU in your fantasies.

Stay tuned for tomorrow's entry where The Guv'ner finds out she's lost all of her marbles!