Happy New Year?

The past two weeks The Guv'ner has been partying hard overseas and cultivating a quite spectacular head cold. Despite this frivolity and mayhem, the thought did cross my mind a few times that I probably should think about checking my work email, in case all hell had broken loose in my absence. This is not entirely unheard of, you see.

So indeed I thought about it. Then I thought "Screw that!" and moved along.

Well come on, there’s no point in actually checking it because if all hell has unleashed a pestilence of nasty while I’ve been gallivanting in foreign climes, I really don’t want to spend the last week of my vacation worrying about it when I should be drinking interesting drinks filled with noxious substances and relaxing. See my logic?

“I’ll have a quick look after Christmas!” I told myself, figuring that at least I could spend Christmas happy, drunk and carefree.

After Christmas passed into the mysterious holiday in the UK known as “Boxing Day”, my cold was getting worse so I decided I was much too unfit to check my email. Silly virus. I was not, however, too unfit to drink cocktails, eat my bodyweight in salty nibbles and chocolate and play “Guitar Hero” with an 8 year old hyperactive boy-child. Still one has to choose their battles, no?

Finally, New Year’s Eve arrived and I thought, “I really should check my work email because I ought to know if the boss’s golf gear didn’t make it to Mexico as planned or if the Chinese office didn’t send that letter I am relying on to get a visa or the visa letter from Moscow didn’t arrive as promised.” But then I thought, “I really don’t want to know these things because what can I do about them anyway except worry?” and this logic allowed me to happily back away from the computer, middle fingers extended in triumphant defiance.

So this morning, as I unlocked my office door with some trepidation, expecting a barrage of angry emails, voice mails, tasks gone wrong and giant cock-ups, there was instead serene silence. My letter from China sat neatly in my email inbox. The letter from Russia arrived by UPS at 10 a.m. All my questions were answered. All three of my voice mails were from a mis-dialed fax machine. The boss’s trip had been postponed a month giving me a much more realistic time frame to work with. It was fabulous.

I was immediately suspicious. How can this be? This is my world. Smooth sailing is not the norm here.

There is definitely an apocalypse coming. Remember I told you so.