Sorry to have yet another whiny entry about the deficiencies of the stupid Überlord but he’s so full of fodder I can’t seem to help myself.
One thing he’s really bad with is names. He’ll have a person’s name in his head and he will proceed to get one name right and the other name will be totally off. Or else he’ll get a surname completely wrong. Or the spelling will be ridiculous.
“Get me the number for Fred Fitzsimmons at such and such a company.” he’ll say. Numerous searches and head scratching will pull up nothing until I accidentally find a Frank FitzGerald.
“I don’t suppose that by Fred Fitzsimmons you meant Frank Fitzgerald?” I'd ask him suspiciously.
“Oh. Yeah. That’s him! I need his number.” He will reply, as though it were blatantly obvious.
Grrr.
Yesterday he said to me:
“I need the number for a man in Latin America named Luis Garcia. I’m not sure who he works for but I think he’s in Venezuela or it might be Colombia.”
Thanks a bunch Überlord. I mean there won’t be several thousand of those in those countries at all. Every second man you meet in the street will be called Luis Garcia, their sons will be Luis Garcia and their fathers will be Luis Garcia, you stammering buffoon. Nevertheless, I conduct a search through various fields and come up with several possible candidates with that name, in related fields to us. The Überlord frowns when surveying the list.
“I don’t think this is right…” he says.
“You are sure his name is Luis Garcia?” I ask, because really, I’ve been down this road before.
“I think so.” replies the Überlord. “I mean, I’m pretty certain. And now I think about it, I think he works for [company]”
I track down that company, do some more digging and come up with no one named Luis Garcia. There is, however, a Jorge Garcia Martinez. And he’s in Brazil.
“Um…I don’t suppose that by Luis Garcia in Venezuela you actually meant Jorge Garcia Martinez in Brazil?” I ask, getting some severe déjà vu.
“Yes!” he exclaims. “That’s the guy!”
So I picked up my industrial 3-hole punch and beat him to death with it.
