Last of the International Playboys

A cryptic message from the Dark Überlord on a scrap of paper on my desk, requested I procure him a flight on a certain date, to “Indonesia”. I am fairly convinced that the Überlord believes that “Indonesia” is a city and not an entire geographic region full of them. I am assuming he wants to fly to Jakarta but really, he could be going anywhere.

Especially if I have anything to do with it.

I looked up some information on Indonesian cities and got back a list of what looks like monsters in a low-budget, Japanese horror fest (“Bogor” anyone? “Probolinggo?” “Dompu”?), drugs with possibly nasty side effects (“Ciamis”, “Cilacap”, “Cinere”), or potential Latin prepubescent pop groups (“Menado”). Some of the others sounded like fun pastimes (“Sukabumi”, “Purbalingga”, “Bangkinang” and “Fak Fak”) or tropical diseases (“Bukittinggi” and “Sibolga” – “Mom, mom I have a rash on my cranker, I think it’s Sibolga!!!” the correct response being, “Don’t worry son, take two Cilacap twice a day and you’ll be golden!”)

And all them sounded infinitely more interesting than Jakarta although less lovely and tropically pleasing than Bali. My only real disappointment was not finding a town named “Punani” because that would have been a stupendous HEE moment.

I think I will await further instructions on this one for the sake of my sanity. Or I could just send him on a one way ticket to Fak Fak where he would have his orifices filled by the phallic appendages of well-endowed, evil tribesmen who would then roast him on a spit and shrink his head to the size of a wee, tiny pea. Ah one can dream.