A Psychotic Break

Sorry for the delay in service, but the Guv’ner is busy saving the world one Excel spreadsheet at a time, ladies and genitals!

Yes, today has been declared “Have The Guv’ner Make YOU a Spreadsheet” day, but all orders are now taken so don’t even think of asking and incurring my almighty wrath. I have constructed charts, graphs, calculations and tables for various people and even made one in my head to demonstrate the pain scale involved in the various excruciating torture methods available to me in wreaking my havoc on the asses of these requestors.

I am now on a psychotic break where I am engrossed in constructing a very lifelike scale model of Bill Gates that I can hang in a noose from my light fixture. I haven’t yet decided if I should fill it with candy and incorporate this idea into a sort of Bill Gates torture piňata. Candy and violence, what more could a person want on a cold, Thursday afternoon?

" This is for Excel you speccy butt-pirate!” I'd proclaim loudly, wielding my big stick in my hand and in return for a good, satisfying whack at his geek head, I get a Snickers. I think I like this idea more and more…

In other news, THIS warms my old, psychotic cockles.